Thursday, January 28, 2010

Special Feature: Movie Review

A special message from the editors:

Like our contributors, we at Snews assume that all five of our readers have a severe learning disability, watch Fox News, and think Geico commercials are funny. In an effort to serve our readership better, the editors have decided to pepper our regular content with some “arts and culture” pieces. We hope these efforts will enrich and stimulate our poorly educated followers. Enjoy!

Movie Review: Julie and Julia

By: Robert Surly

It is awards season in Hollywood. As is typical with the season, there is a tangible buzz in the L.A. air. I would not know, because I am currently reheating a hotpocket in my Capitol Hill “efficiency apartment.”

Just like last year Meryl Streep’s name keeps coming up. Did she top her performance in “Doubt?” In short, yes. She turns in a masterful performance as T.V. chef Julia Child. Streep plays the high-pitched, ogress “to a t.”

The film follows Julie, played Amy Adams, as she attempts to cook through Ms. Child’s famous cookbook. Along the way, the narrative is split into two; one following Ms. Child’s journey as a French food connoisseur and the other tracks Adams’ character who throws childlike temper tantrums.

Unfortunately, Adams is less impressive here as she had been in the past. It may not be her fault but her character is absolutely despicable. I for one wish she could go back to her glory days as the “hot girl” in season one, episode six of “The Office.” Oh yes, and her face has gotten fat.

It should be noted that his motion picture was written and directed by Nora Ephron, the script machine that also brought us “Bewtiched” and “Lucky Numbers.” There is nothing much I can say about her, other than that she is The Devil. Someone needs to find her formula for neanderthal romantic comedies and burn it.

In sum: Kudos to you Ms. Streep! Boo to the witless hack that wrote and directed this tripe!

I ultimately despised this film less than most of the refuse I am forced to sit through. But now I am hungry again.

** (out of seven)

Robert Surly is Snews’ resident film critic. Mr. Surly is a graduate of Seattle-Pacific University and the prestigious Hollywood Upstairs Film School. He is a failed screenplay writer and has directed a softcore porn movie for Cinemax. Mr. Surly weighs over three hundred pounds, is nearsighted, and wears a beard. In his spare time he does not like to use his legs. Contrary to rumors, Mr. Surly has had intercourse with a woman (three times).

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